if you test people, they may fail.
no relationship relies on a single hinge of pass or fail.
don’t do, save yourself the disappointment.
do yourself a favor and don’t administer a litmus test to things as precious as love and friendship.
Realize that you may make the same mistake one day, and wouldn’t want there to be a test.
if you reply on the popular culture definition of love and friendship, it will disappoint you.
give way to hope,
love will surprise you.

in joy as always.
nisha.

I’m confused.
lost.
insecure.
alone.
kthanks.

Thank you Colorgenics for telling me what I’m feeling:

Name: nisha
Date: 2/9/2010
Colorgenics Number: 12037564

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don’t be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation butyou are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you – that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact – deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can ‘Let your hair down’ and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

Since in the recent past all of your hopes and aspirations have been denied you, you are now convinced that the future will hold nothing but anxiety so therefore ‘why bother?’ You would love to get away from it all, to escape from the trials and tribulations of this mundane existence and fall into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, which will protect you from the lack of appreciation and give you the chance to start afresh.

I haven’t been very good with keeping up with this. School seems to take up all my day. Well, that’s not true, I’ve just had a bit of a writer’s block. I’m not doing much, so there isn’t much inspiration to get my started on writing.
A few months back, I was volunteering with an organization that serves to provide food for the homeless each week. If you live in the area near me, I urge you to do this. Just once. It WILL change you. Well, I’m the kind of person that loves to talk to other people about their stories. And what amazed me was that these people, the ones that we label homeless, have it far better than us.
Not necessarily in terms of shelter, and such, but spiritually a lot of them are at a far better place than we are. You see, they are relying on God for everything. For protection, for food, for safety. Most of us know where and when our next meal is coming from, and fail to realize what a luxury this is that is unknown to almost half the people on the planet. We get caught up. There is something about living simply that always has and always will appeal to me.
You can’t learn simplicity. Its inborn.
Simplicity bring oneness. I clutter my life with so much technology and advertisement that end of the day I’m left with the empty feeling. As if without this new gadget, I won’t be happy. That I need this new dress to make me the person I want to be. It doesn’t work that way. I’m learning that you need to find fulfillment in yourself before you can give love away.
So this year, its my year of trying to live simply. God knows I don’t need another pair of shoes or clothing.
I’m limiting myself to 30$ a week. Yes I realize that sounds insane. But you know, a lot of people don’t even have that. I’ll save 10$ each week and end of the year I will donate that. (I wish that sum could have been bigger, but you know broke college student.) Each post I’ll update my readers on what I’ve been spending on.
Remember, what you need, you have within you.
in joy as always,
nisha.

wide awake, and tired. you cannot get much sleep with an uneasy mind. no matter how many tylenol pms you pop.
i don’t know how to fix it anymore. save me, or what my heart craves.
tis the time to be happy but the questions that are plaguing my mind cannot allow that happiness. guess this is what they call growing up. worry about the future, but don’t forget to live in the present. such great advice but can we ever really do that?
i mean reallly? in the midst of happiness do you ever question if this too, will be fleeting.
or in the midst of sadness do you ever wonder if this will last?
I know i do.
At this point, I need to have faith in myself. I hate how I need people lately. I have been more or less independent all my life so this sudden dependency on people really bothers me. I haven’t been able to stand being alone and I don’t know how to fix that.
I wish I did.
So, right now all I can do is hope for the best. After all it is almost the end of the year, and maybe that will the end of this chapter in life.
Maybe I’ll start a new book all together.

peace and love.

oh dear blog of mine.  how could I just abandon you in my time of joy when you have been my companion in grief.
and my dear readers who have filled my inbox with words of hope.
its almost that time of the year. the time when everything starts to make sense, and all faces are painted happy.
readers, i have a kept a dark secret from you. I did meet someone. Its been a few months and things couldn’t be better.
You know how I have always ranted about things going wrong? Well, for once, I shall rant about how grateful I am this season to have this amazing person in my life. Lets call him, Mr. Right.
Not to sound like a runoff from horrid romance novels that I would subject myself to on the days I felt lonely. hahah. But he is what I’ve been waiting for. My Mr. Right. He is everything that I am not, which just so you know, is a lot! I’m not charming, wonderful, funny, strong and soulful. And he is.
Holidays, the time for thanksgiving, really do mean a whole lot different when you have your Mr. Right.
Some might say, I may be jumping ahead of myself. But there isn’t a thing I would change for now. For every single thing that I hated this year, the last few months made up for it. I’ve found a friend, who won’t leave. And that’s comforting. Growing up my mom always told me that sometimes you have to just let it happen. And that’s exactly how this happened. He isn’t complicated, and doesn’t play games. He’s simple, and wonderful and makes me laugh.
I don’t want to jinx it.
But I hope you stay.

in joy.
nisha. <3

“love is an excuse to get hurt. so go on, hurt me.”

peace and love.

Bucket List:
1. Become a surgeon.
2. Save a life.
3. travel to 35 countries.
4. road-trip across america.
5. make an impact.
6. adopt. pets and kids. haha.
7.  live in soho or europe.
8. take care of my entire family.
9. write a song.
10. drive a motorcycle.
11. join a research organization to find cure for aids, cancer or Alzheimer’s.
12. write for a major publication.
13. marry my one and only.
14. go rock climbing.
15. graduate with summa cum laude. (ha! i have high dreams)
16. learn to speak more languages.
17. backpack through europe.
18. volunteer overseas/ be a part of the peace corps.
19. see the northern lights.
20. go skydiving. (i need to conquer my fears of heights)
21. buy an ecofriendly car/home.
22. do something completely illogical and crazy for love.
23. kiss george clooney. (even if that means i have to pay him to be mine. )
24. watch afi’s top 100 movies.
25. play guitar like jack johnson. hahahaha, yea, i crack myself up.
26. donate money to a great charity.
27. have vintage dior, chanel… you know the works.
28. be proposed to in an observatory.
29. attend jack’s mannequin/jason mraz concert.

I have a lot but overall, just hope that my motivation in life will help me achieve my goals. I’m a perfectionist and one of the most determined people you will ever meet. I have fears but my determination overcomes it most of the time. I do want to be different, I do want to make an impact, and I hope that it happens.

in joy,
nisha.

no posts in almost a month, i promise i’m still very much alive and breathing.
how can I not mention the amazing fall weather that has hit us, even in the deep in-land woes of the south?
Waking up every morning to chilly air and changing trees, has put me in this impeccable mood.
There’s something about fall that makes you feel like it a new beginning, maybe its the crispness of the air or the sting you feel when you run. It’s almost as if the universe is saying, “Its okay, forget the past blunders, this is a clean slate.”
Sure, it isn’t as chilly that I prefer it to be and I have yet to bring out the warm fuzzy sweaters and long boots. Static electricity sparks when you touch your dog and laughter bursts through the air.
gotta love it.
season for family is here, and season for forgiveness is here. don’t wait any longer,
rid yourself of those evils and come to peace with it.
lets move on and find gratitude in each day.
happy belated birthday to my dear dog Coco. :]

in joy as always,
nisha.